jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize