shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
