Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
