What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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