i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize