i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
