you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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