so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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