I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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