Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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