The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
This is my gift to your gina
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
