you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
