Reggie can tackle my bush.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
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But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
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It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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