I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
