i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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