cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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