So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
