i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize