Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
