How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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