So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
