It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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