He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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