enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
