i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize