I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
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He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
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Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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