just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
