I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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