A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I'm having to shit out rocks
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
