from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
