the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
