She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
