people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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