Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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