Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
