I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
