guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
