He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
