Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
