that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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