Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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