OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
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