Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
