I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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