I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i think i have two assholes
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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