omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Everything about him screamed your future.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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