Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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