im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
