Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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