everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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