So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
