I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
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I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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