just come out here and I will go home with you...
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
