I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
