Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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