I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Randomize
