bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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