i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Randomize
