I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
