pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize