Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
